Are You Asking The Right Questions?
One of the things I enjoy about coaching is the large variety of challenges, goals and desires clients present. Some clients know exactly what they want, but they’re unsure how to get there, or they need an accountability partner to follow through. Others have so much going on, in their lives or at work, that they don’t even know where to start.
Regardless of what a client presents at first, it always comes down to this:
People hire a coach because they want some kind of CHANGE, in one or more areas of their life.
Deficit or Possibility?
There are two lenses through which you can look at CHANGE: the deficit lens and the possibilities lens.
1. The lens that focuses on deficit. If you look through this lens you zoom in on what’s wrong, broken or not working and you take this negative perspective as your starting point for change.
You would look at your life and notice things like:
I’m stressed and overwhelmed with everything I have to do
Others keep crossing my boundaries, because I fear not being liked
My co-workers perform better than me
You’re probably experiencing distress and you want change in your life
I don’t want to get burned-out
I don’t want others to keep walking all over me and disrespect me
I don’t want be stuck in this job forever
Looking at your life through this lens evokes negative emotional states, like anxiety, shame, anger or depression. When those emotions are evoked the primitive part of the brain is activated and you’ll automatically switch to survival mode. Not only does this cause us to disconnect from other people around us (focus on ‘me’ instead of ‘we’), it also causes tunnel vision, preventing us from seeing the big picture and all the resources and solutions that might be out there.
Not a great place to be in when you want to create CHANGE in your life, right?
2. The lens that focuses on possibilities. If you look through this lens you zoom in on the good, the better and the possible and you take this positive perspective as your starting point for change.
You would look at your life and notice things like:
I’m focused and content after taking a break
I sometimes say ‘no’ to people that are close to me
I have the skills and the talent to develop in this job if I’m patient and put effort in
Looking at your life through this lens sparks hope and unleashes confidence and self-efficacy. When those emotional states are evoked the more evolved part of the brain (neo-cortex) is activated and you’ll switch to thriving mode!
Do you see how replacing the deficit lens with the possibilities lens pays off when you want to create CHANGE in your life?
The Flip
This quote by David Cooperrider, sums it up nicely: “Change starts with the first question you ask”.
So, rather than asking yourself what you don’t want (anymore), ask yourself what’s already going well in your life, what you want to grow, what you want more of!
This flip might look something like this:
I don’t want to get burned-out ⇒ I want to be more focused and content.
I don’t want others to keep walking all over me and disrespect me ⇒ I want to be more confident and assertive.
I don’t want be stuck in this job forever ⇒ I want to grow and develop in this job.
What do you want more of in your life?
Need help reframing your thoughts and switching to thriving mode? ImPowered Coaching & Training can help. Schedule a free consultation and get inspired about what's possible!
